Original post at http://www.darianduckworth.com/2013/05/insight-from-isaac-and-his-hesitation.html

Long before Isaac the dog found me, I knew that I wanted a Labrador retriever. I’d talked to dog lovers who raved about what good pets they were. I’d done some online research and was pleased with what I saw. So when this brown-eyed, cream-coated lab mix walked into my life, I knew a little about what to expect. For example, I knew that he would sniff around a lot. Yes, I know that all dogs sniff, but cut this first-time dog owner a little slack ☺

What I did not expect was that sniffing would nearly cause injury to both of us.

When we first started going for walks, two things would happen:

1. Isaac would drag me down the street as he joyfully ran and
2. Isaac would drag me into yards as he chased something only he could smell.

Sore-shouldered and neck-strained, I asked Isaac’s trainer what to do. He introduced me to a style of loose-leash walking that has led to some improvement in the first problem. For the second problem, he told me to teach the command of “leave it.” When Isaac would go after something he smelled, dragging me with him, I was to say, “Isaac, leave it! Let’s go.” There were some at-home exercises we practiced to encourage this behavior. The goal was for Isaac to resist the smelly temptations and instead to follow his loving pet parent. How wonderfully theological!

And how extremely difficult.

To give him credit, and to show that the training is working, there are times that he obeys the command to “leave it” right away. This behavior leads to lots of applause and treats from me. Sometimes, the opposite happens. He glues his back legs to the ground, stretches his front paws forward, and bobs his wet and curious nose. The 55 pounds of lab then pull me through mud and grass into puzzled people’s yards. I can yell “leave it” all day long, but Isaac is leaving nothing until he’s satisfied.

Most of the time, something in between these two scenarios occurs. Isaac will not obey immediately, but he also won’t pull me down. He’ll investigate, then investigate some more, and eventually he will follow me for the rest of his beloved walks.

One day recently, I was getting particularly frustrated with Isaac when he wouldn’t walk away from some unknown smell. There was a lot on my mind. I was thinking about past hurts and irritations. I was dwelling on things that should have left my mind a long time ago. As I looked at my puppy dog on the other end of a taut leash, I realized that like Isaac, I couldn’t “leave it.” Just as I kept telling him to move on, God was gently urging me to turn away from what was past and focus on the joy of the present walk.

Like Isaac, we all can be a little stubborn sometimes. We become distracted by things that we should let go. Just as he almost injures both of us in his disobedience, we can get so caught up in the past that it causes us, and others, harm. I’ve accepted the reality that Isaac and his sensitive nose will not “leave it” completely every single time. I also believe that with time and practice, the temptations to cling to what's past will lessen.

The same is true for us as we try to move forward in our lives and relationships with God. We can learn from the past, but we should not interrupt the joy of the present by dwelling on that past. In Psalm 17:5, King David prays, “Uphold my steps in your paths, that my footsteps may not slip” (New King James Version). May we follow in Christ’s footsteps and not try to forge our own paths. May we stay on the path that God has for us, acknowledging the past and its distractions, but “leaving them” as we walk forward into the beauty of the present moment.

All good things to each of you,
Pastor Darian

Original post at http://www.darianduckworth.com/2013/05/the-candid-clergywoman-what-not-to-say.html

Disclaimer: As in past posts of "The Candid Clergywoman," there is a lot of honesty here. Please know that these musings are not directed at any particular person or group, and I share this is in a spirit or reflection--not anger, not resentment, not frustration. Hopefully, there's a dash of humor, too. I can only speak as an unmarried, female pastor, but I can guess that both men & women in other vocations can identify with the sentiments. Even though I write now as a young woman who is in a dating relationship, these reflections stem from the days when I was not in a relationship. Thank you for reading, laughing, and learning with me.

There might have been a TV show called, "Kids Say the Darnedest Things," but it's actually people who say the darnedest things. I especially began to notice this after becoming a pastor. I don't know statistics of married/single clergy or male/female, but I have certainly felt like I was in the minority. I was only 25 years old when I became a pastor, and at first I was humored by people's reactions to my age and relationship status. Some of the comments have been kind, with people obviously desiring that I be happy. Others have been more puzzling, comments that made it sound as if I "needed" a guy. I've talked to single, female colleagues over the years and exchanged stories of the "darnedest things" said, and we've laughed a lot.

But we've also cried.

We've cried because sometimes words, even with the best intentions, can touch on sensitive spots. I was told in seminary to grow a tough skin. No matter how tough skin becomes, there's still a heart underneath that doesn't want to become hardened. Sometimes words can eat at the heart. From that unhardened heart, I'd like to share a few things that are not helpful to say to a single pastor, along with alternatives of what would be more helpful. The emotional health of the pastor can have an enormous impact on the health of a congregation. If we are more aware of how laypeople and clergy can help make each other healthier, won't our congregations also be healthier?

1. In your profession, it must be hard for you to meet guys.

Yes, it can be difficult even to form friendships, whether one lives in small town or a large city, in any profession. What this says is that my vocation could keep me from being a relationship, which is not true. What I would rather hear, and what some dear people have said to me, is: I respect your profession so much, and you deserve the best in relationships.

2. I just wish you could find somebody.

Somebody? A vague semi-person? That's not what I desire, nor is it what I believe God wants for us. Relationships, whether platonic or romantic, are not something that we find. They are formed by us and by God. What I would rather hear is: I hope you are forming meaningful relationships.

3. You must get really lonely.

Yes, and saying so doesn't make it any easier. The Winter 2012 issue of Church Health Reader featured a column on the concerns of loneliness. It's also very difficult for many people to admit to their loneliness, laity or clergy, male or female, young or old. The Church Health Reader offers some practical ideas to combat loneliness. Personally, instead of a verbal label of "lonely," I would rather hear an invitation: I'm going to the coffee shop this afternoon. Want to join me?

4. Would you like to meet my grandson/nephew/son? He's cute....

No, not really. Haha. Every female pastor I know who was single at some point of her pastorate faced this question. Of course, a great friendship might be possible with that grandson/nephew/son. But this kind of matchmaking is just plain awkward. Instead, why not say, "My relative is about your age and coming into town next weekend. If you're in town and want to hang out with some younger people, let me know. I'll give you his number."

5. It's strange to have a pastor without a family.

What people are actually saying here is an understandable observation: "In the past, we've had a pastor who was married with children." I fully understand that people likely meant nothing insulting in this statement. But to use the phrase "with or without a family" is not helpful. We all have families because we are all a part of God's family. Parents, siblings, pets, friends, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins are only some examples of family, even if we don't live under the same roof. To describe a person as not having a "family" implies that they are disconnected, unsupported--and strange. This is the opposite of encouragement and can eat away at a person's soul. Instead of observing what is lacking, affirm what is present: We appreciate all that you bring to us--and it's always so good to see your family when they come to visit.

We often hear that the Church wants young ministers, and the reality is that young people are marrying at later ages. This means that having a young pastor might mean having an unmarried pastor. I share all of this with you so that healthy relationships might be fostered, so that encouragement might abound. Yes, I've heard some "darned" things. But I have also been affirmed, encouraged, and supported tremendously by people's words. Paul writes to the church in Philippi: "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." May we also speak such things to one another--for the good health of ourselves and our churches.

all good things to each of you,
Pastor Darian

Original post at http://www.darianduckworth.com/2013/05/holding-out-for-hero.html

This time last week, if many of us were asked if we had heard of Charles Ramsey of Cleveland, Ohio, we'd say, "no." Today, anyone who has turned on a television, read a newspaper, or logged on to the internet would likely answer differently.

Ramsey has gained notoriety as the person whose lunch was interrupted by a young woman's screams. He went to her aid, helped knock part of a door down, and assisted her in calling 911. It was only after this rush of events that he discovered the truth: he had helped to free three young women held hostage for a decade.

One day, Charles Ramsey is eating lunch from McDonald's. The next, he's on national television and receiving the highest number of hits on YouTube. He has now been called a "hero" along with the young woman whose screams caught his attention.

I've read numerous blogs and reflections this week about the rescues in Cleveland: from joyful celebration to harsh criticism, from fearful warnings to justice-seking lament. On the day of the rescue, one word that kept popping through headlines was "heroic." Charles Ramsey was heroic for responding to what he heard. The young woman was heroic for screaming out. She, two other women, and a child were heroic for enduring hell on earth in order to survive.

And from this headline story we hear a call to look for the heroes among us. Heroes take risks. Heroes resist fear. Heroes go where they might not want to go or do the opposite of what feels "good" to them. Heroes are often acting on instinct and don't want that title.

A few weeks ago, in reflecting on the Boston Marathon bombings, I was especially drawn to the image of rescue workers running towards the bomb site as others ran away. Do we call them "heroes?" Absolutely. Would they want to be called "heroes"? Probably not. Many will say that they are just doing their job, doing what they know to do, doing what is right.

Friends, there are heroes among us everyday. We often don't see them as such because we don't pay attention. In the Bible, it's easy for us to point out "heroes of the faith." Immediate answers are usually Abraham, Joseph, Moses, Joshua, David, John the Baptist, Paul, and of course, Jesus Christ. But what about Eleazar, Abraham's friend who was faithful to him? What about the two nameless spies sent by Joshua into dangerous Jericho? What about the vast array of supporters who helped protect King David from the jealous Saul in I Chronicles 12? What about Jesus' disciples who are not mentioned as frequently, like Bartholomew and Simon the Zealot? God accomplished mighty acts not just through the well-known names of Scriptures. The mighty acts were possible because of the many other "heroes" around them who acted with bravery, courage, and faithfulness.

In the rescue of three women in Cleveland, Ohio, this week, I am especially grateful for Charles Ramsey. He has reminded us to pay attention to one another. Because he paid attention, people were set free. He has reminded us to take risks for one another. Because he took a risk, salvation became reality. He has reminded us that heroes are not made in the headlines. They are made on the sidelines, in the house next door, in the everyday places. Let us not seek to be heroes; let's simply be who we are and give thanks for the heroic who live among us.

all good things to each of you,
Pastor Darian

Original post at http://www.darianduckworth.com/2013/05/insight-from-isaac-and-wild-kittens.html

Since Isaac the dog & I adopted each other, I wish I had a dollar for every time someone has said to me, "Are you walking that dog, or is the dog walking you?" Anyone for a mile could see that 60-pound Isaac needed leash training. I signed him up for obedience lessons to cut back on the asking of this question--and to ease the pain in my sore shoulders and back!

The training has been working, slowly but surely, and one morning this week I was especially proud of the pup. We were walking at a leisurely pace with very little pulling from him. I was listening to praise & worship music. The temperature was not too cold, not too hot. I was able to have some good prayer time as the dog and I walked side by side. All seemed right with the world.

As we passed the halfway mark of our journey, Isaac began to slow down. I assumed he was tired but hoped he was being overly obedient. "Come on; let's go," I said enthusiastically. He'd speed up only to slow down again. "What's up with him?" I asked myself. I kept prodding him forward as sounds of "Praise the Lord!" played from my earbuds. How could he be acting so strange on such a lovely morning?

Then, as we turned a corner, out from the bushes came two kittens. "No big deal," I said to myself. Isaac and I encounter cats all the time, and they always run away from him. I gripped the leash more tightly and called him to come on.

He wouldn't budge. His tail sunk between his back legs.

The kittens drew their claws forward. Their teeth appeared. They hissed.

And the peacefulness of the morning suddenly changed. These were not like the other cats. Their behavior was unusual. Then I realized: Isaac and I had trespassed on the property of two wild kittens.

I tried every trick I knew. I stayed calm and firmly told Isaac to leave them. I got between Isaac and the cats, only to get tangled up in the leash. I told the cats to "scat," but their hissing only made me want to "scat." I pulled him along. The kittens followed. Isaac came out of his collar. I began to cry as I reattached it, afraid that my pup would run away from me. Once the leash was back on, I decided to let him get a little closer to them, and maybe he'd scare them off.

Wrong idea. Out came the kittens' teeth and claws again. Isaac was frozen. I also wondered what would happen if he bit at them. Fear of rabies and cat's scratches and feline homicide entered my mind. I pulled out the phone to call for help, shortened his leash, and began dragging him down the street. By the time help arrived, the kittens had followed us for half a mile. As we rode to the safety of home, I couldn't understand how an encounter with these two creatures, one-tenth the size of Isaac, could change the entire mood of the morning.

As I reflected on Isaac and the wild kittens, what I remember most vividly were those moments leading up to the kittens' entrance. Isaac had seen the kittens and sensed the unease long before I did. His slowing down was a sign that something was amiss, but I was not sensitive. I was so caught up in my own world, and how well things were going, that I missed a warning sign.

When life seems to be going well, it's easy for us to forget that there is evil in the world. It's easy for us to slip into sin & give in to temptation. Please understand, especially you cat lovers, that I am not calling cats evil. Those two kittens are part of God's creation, as are all animals. What is evil is how the devil uses circumstances to disturb our peace and steal our joy. The writer of Ephesians reminds us in chapter six that we struggle daily against "cosmic powers of this present darkness" and "spiritual forces of evil" (6:12). We don't need to be afraid of the temptations and disruptions that sneak up on us. But we do need to stay alert to the reality that we need God's protection at all times. We need the guidance of the Holy Spirit to make wise decisions. Like Isaac, we need to pay attention to what's around us.

May we all remember, that no matter where we go, that "we dwell in the secret place of the Most High" (Psalm 91:1). Be not afraid, but rather go into the day with joy and peace that is untouched by the circumstances that life brings. And if you do find yourself rattled by wild kittens, may it be an opportunity to learn the powerful protection of a God who neither leaves us nor forsakes us.

all good things to each of you,
Pastor Darian (and Isaac)

Original post at http://www.darianduckworth.com/2013/04/yoga-teacher-theology-time-to-shut-up.html

Three weeks ago, I resumed teaching yoga after nearly a year of being solely a student. As I've shared in recent blog posts, I'm grateful for the ways that God has met me on the mat without the responsibilities of leading a class. These past few months have provided opportunities for me to hear from God in new ways. When I decided to start teaching again, and felt that the timing was right, I wondered how my "yoga theology" would change. With my mind focused on instructions, would I forget that God was on the mat with me? With my own mouth moving, would I hear His words?

Like many of us, I love words. I love to write words, to speak words from the pulpit, to instruct in yoga, to ask questions, to read the Word of God, and to listen to other people's words. A friend of mine once described herself as a "verbal processor," someone who needs to process feelings and emotions by talking out loud about them to a trusted confidante, and I'm the same way. As the third chapter of James bluntly teaches us, our words are powerful, compared to the rudder of a ship, the bridle of a horse, and a forest fire. Every time I read that passage, I feel like we should all go on a month-long silent retreat!

While God gave us the gift of speaking, like all gifts, he trusts us to use it wisely. And sometimes that means knowing when to shut up.

In this morning's yoga class, I found myself going into detailed explanation of a certain pose: Turn one foot this way. Bend the other knee. Bring one hand here. The other hand there. Now pay attention to your muscles. Hug this muscle to that one. Extend through your right side...

In my attempt to explain, I confused. The more I talked, the harder it was to stop. No one complained, and there were no confused expressions. But I was suddenly aware that I was saying too much. Every day, we all struggle with the balance of saying too little or too much, whether it's in teaching a class, having a conversation with a loved one, or discussing a matter at work. How do we find that balance? We can only learn through experience, and sometimes that means inadvertently turning the horse the wrong way, misdirecting a ship, or starting a fire, to use James' analogies. With God's help, we can get back on the right path or extinguish the flames. We have to accept that we will all make mistakes with our words. We have to be patient not just with ourselves but with one another. Two words that will always help us to balance what we say are "Forgive me."

For those of us who are harboring resentment because of someone else's words, please forgive them. For those of us who are upset that someone did not speak up for us, please forgive them. For those of us who have caused hurt by saying what we shouldn't say, please forgive us. For those of us who were silent at the wrong time, please forgive us. Most importantly, let us voice our words to God in prayer--for he forgives us over and over again. And he delights in our words. He probably laughs at many of them. And he desires that we live with joy and in peace with another.

And now-- I will shut up!

all good things to each of you,
Pastor Darian

Original post at http://www.darianduckworth.com/2013/04/the-gospel-according-to-ladder-49.html

On Monday, when I heard about the Boston Marathon bombing, like many of us I went to the computer to read about what had happened and to watch videos from news programs. The first video that I opened was from The Boston Globe of the first explosion. What drew me in to keep watching was not the anger, disbelief, or fear that accompany such a tragedy.

Instead, I kept watching because of the people running towards the explosion: the policemen, EMTS, and bystanders who rushed to help those who were hurting. In the aftermath of 9/11, a resurgence of appreciation occurred for emergency responders. The same has happened in Boston: a deep gratitude for those who choose to run towards the chaos, often without a second thought.

In 2004, the movie, Ladder 49, told the story of a group of firemen in Baltimore, Maryland. Captain Kennedy, played by John Travolta, summarizes what we observed in light of these bombings: "People are always asking me how is it that firefighters run into a burning building when everyone else is running out. Courage is the answer." *

Indeed, courage is the answer, not just in such times of tragedy but in our everyday spiritual lives. According to the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible, the word, "courage," appears 42 times, many of them in commands to "take courage." There is a choice involved in this command--a choice either to cower in fear or to step forward in faith. We all experience times of panic with our work, families, and relationships. We all will encounter "explosions" and times of fear. How do we respond? With fear that we can't fix anything on our own? Or with courage that God can help us to assist those who are hurting?

I did not "want" to see Ladder 49 any more than I wanted to watch the reports of the Boston Marathon bombing. But I knew that I needed to do both, not because of my own desires but because it was not about me. I remember listening to the late Roger Ebert's review of Ladder 49 on his weekly TV show. He said, and later wrote in the Chicago Sun-Times, " ... I was surprisingly affected by the film. After I left the screening, I walked a while by the river, and sat and thought, and was happy not to have anything that had to be done right away." **

This week, let us pause to pray regularly for all affected by these bombings, including the first responders. Let us all take a moment to walk by the river, to sit, to think, and not to have anything to do right away. And let us reflect in gratitude on those who are courageous. Let us pray for such courage for ourselves. And let us be humbled by the One who ran towards us to the point of death on the cross so that we might be eternally rescued.

all good things to each of you,
Pastor Darian


* http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0349710/trivia?tab=qt
** http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/ladder-49-2004